258 PP

PP - Open letter to Emma. Emma is my granddaughter of Lora and Chris in Dallas Texas.

Dear Emma,

     Thank you for your email about my birthday. You asked me what I got for my birthday and what I did for my birthday. I'm answering your email in an open letter to my Partners. I hope the reason becomes clear as I write.

     If I remember correctly, you are thirteen years old now. You are a very high energy young lady, smaller than most for your age, but full of big ideas. Also being thirteen you are right between childhood and adulthood, and your station in life, and the way God created you to love adventure, challenges, and how you live so expectantly caused you to ask me the question you did about my birthday. In asking that question you really helped me, a 75-year-old man to think more deeply about my special day.

     I think it might be the child still in you that caused you to think that this should be a special day for me. It's the old man in me that at first glance thought, that is a silly question for an old sick man who is locked up in prison. I think it is the adult in you that is going to allow you to understand my answer to you.

     Growing up like I did, on a farm with everyone engaged in the work of the farm, I am not used to making much of my birthday. This year I had even less expectation of it being a special day due to my circumstances. But for some reason your questions were in my mind throughout the day, and in pondering your questions I discovered some very important lesson for myself and I want to share it with you. 

     Without even thinking, I could tell you that one inmate gave me a "fireball" for my birthday. Do you know what a fireball is? It's a round ball of candy that is really hot, and I like them. This man knows I like them and he gives me one almost every day. Another man, when he found out it was my 75th birthday, gave me a Snickers candy bar. I recognized those right away as birthday presents. The other birthday presents took me a couple day to figure them out. Without your question, I would have taken them as "circumstantial". In wanting to answer you, I thought this through and now I can tell you what else I got.

     On my birthday the CO came into our room and said, "I got bad news for you guys, you are going to have to move. I don't need to give you an explanation, but I like you guys so I will. I've got a guy who needs to be locked in and yours is the only room with a tray door in the door where food can be passed through, so I'm going to have to move you and separate you." In prison it takes a while to get used to new roommates and you usually don't like changing rooms, and I didn't either.

     He moved me in a room with a Cuban man named Louis. Louis is a Christian man so I liked that. I had to move so quickly. They never give you any notice or any time, you have to do it quickly and that was a little stressful for me. I got settled in with Louis, thought he was a pretty good guy and had one night in there with Louis. There is one hospital bed in the room so Louis already had that so I took the other bunk, but kept my nice hospital bed mattress that I told you I had.

     The next morning I left the room and when I came back, Louis told me he was leaving. He has a Mexican friend who had an empty bunk so they wanted to be together. That left the hospital bed empty so I thought I'll just move into that bed now. The guy next door came and claimed he owned the bed, but would sell it to me for $20. That's the way it works in prison, you wonder how anybody can own anything, but it's all below the line thing that it happens. The guards and everyone knows it is happening and just go along with it. The guy wanted $20 from me for the bed. I explained I expected to leave in a few weeks but I would be willing to give him ten stamps for the use of it until I leave. He accepted so now I have not only a hospital mattress, but a nice hospital bed that goes up and down with the feet and the head separately. It is really nice. I also have the room all to myself so I had a man clean it all out, disinfect it, and really do a good house cleaning for ten stamps. He also polished and buffed the floor. So now, I have this really nice room, really nice bed all to myself, at least until a new guy comes in which can be any day or several weeks. It was because of your question that I had to rethink all that had happened and realize this was not just circumstance, it was a special birthday blessing and just thank the Lord for a wonderful birthday present.

     Then one last thing, that is really too personal to talk about, but I want you to know how God works. Got sent Satan to cause a troubling in our minds (Grandma and me) that gave us a very hard visit. I know that it was Satan because of the confusion and testing that took place. I know that it was God because he caused us to see how greatly dependent we are on him, and he caused me to see my responsibility to Grandma, and he taught me that although I am circumstancially weaker than I have ever been in my life, health wise, imprisoned, and unable to do anything about what is happening on the outside, in my marriage and my relationship and responsibility as a husband, I am stronger than I have ever been because of my prayers. I am in a position to protect Grandma from anything Satan would place before her, I am stronger than I realize. I spent the night praying, we spent time together. Satan lost, hands down, God won, and I can tell you, Emma, you know how much I love your Grandmother, but God, on my birthday used Satan to create an even greater love,  which I will remember as a nodel event (an event that I will remember as a life lesson) and my love for Grandma is at an all time high. I see that as a gift of God. I know he wants me to love her at a level I am not capable of, but he is teaching me and strengthening me so that I am growing into the man that he wants me to be, and I am so thankful for that. Emma, that is a story, it is a true story, and I ask that you and my partners don't ask Grandma for the details of that. It's too personal to share, yet the lesson is too important to miss and I wanted you to have it.

     So Emma, you are both child and adult. The child in you causes you to expect things that many older adults have given up on. The adult in you helps you to understand deeper things. Now I ask you for something. Would you email me back what you understand of what I just wrote. What if anything about this made sense to you.

     Emma, I hope you know that anything you say, I really will  think about. I respect you as a young woman. You have already had some pretty great accomplishments in speech and drama, and you have been an initiator in these things. I respect you for that. You have a heart that loves God more than anything else, and that is a special gift. Just know that I love you, I value you. You are very important to me.

Love you,
Papa