254 Sunday

Dear Prayer Partners,      Monday May 13-13

     "We were utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself, indeed we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead. He raised us from such deadly peril and he will deliver us. On him we have our hope that he will deliver us again. You must also help us by prayer, so that many may give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many" 2 Corinthians 2:8,9.

       I have been lying on my bunk for the last hour just thinking and praising the Lord for the experience he is and has given me with you, my family, friends, all my acquaintances and everyone in my life. I was thinking how my life is filled with such consistency right now, starting with my relationship with our Father, to my wife, to you all. There is no break in how I need to think, talk, or write because we all think the same. I remember days like Paul wrote about in 2 Cor. 23:8-9. I remember days of terror, pain, fear and deadly peril. I am amazed how today I have none of that. My whole life is nothing but blessing, like I have been raised from the dead. Today I live in the reality of that, I have no fear or dread of thinking I need to get a prayer partner letter off to my partners, because it is time. I relish this writing, because i feel so strongly the presence of God and I am so privileged to be just the empty vessel that he allows me to speak of him and even possibly for him on his behalf.

     I have prayed many days for my love for him and for Jan, that it would increase. I knew within myself, I fall so far short of his desire and expectation for me in my reality of him. It excited me to learn as we went through book two of First Principles, God's household order for the home, how my submission to Christ, and my love for Jan are a seamless thing. I am not to have one to the exclusion of the other and the Lord is as pleased with my love for her as he is for him, because I now know that I can love her for God's sake. God wants her loved by me to the maximum.

    I sat with Jan these last three days in this visiting center. It's not a desirable place, nor a place one would choose to go for a second or third honeymoon or a 52nd wedding anniversary (not  now, last August). The circumstances were not at all of anyone's choosing, but I am so pleasantly amazed at how thrilled I am to be with her and I believe she with me. We read scripture together, not only because I wanted to but I know how Jan loves to do that and how it feeds her soul when we do that. How it thrilled both our hearts to pray together, not out of obligation or duty, but because the God of the universe made it possible through our savior that we could have direct contact, and communication with him, together, sharing our hearts in a three-way relationship that we do not tire of. There is no feeling of duty in doing so, it's a feeling of desire and pleasure.

     After three days of doing just that and nothing more, I still got back to my room last night and couldn't wait to call her on the phone again, just to hear her voice. I had nothing more to say, but I wanted to hear her voice. I don't think I ever had this kind of love before, I think God is doing something in us and changing us to a place we never want to return from.

     As I lay on my bed this morning i thought of my children, and I know that if we were with them, we could do all the same things. We wouldn't change anything because they are here, they would enjoy it, too. And if you, my prayer partners were here, we would do the same thing. God has blessed me with more than hundreds, I believe thousands of friends, partners, whom we all share his love, passion and concern with. God's people, his abundance, his love and mercy are so great. I don't know that I would have ever known this so profoundly if the Lord had not met me here, brought me to this place, and caused me to focus so much on him.

     As I lay on my bunk, this song from my childhood came to my mind.
         "I need thee, oh I need thee,
         Every hour I need thee,
        Oh bless me now my Savior
        I come to thee".
Yes, I need him so much, and I need to share him so much. I need to talk about him, I need to speak the gospel, I need the gospel in me.

      "As the deer panteth for water, so my soul panteth after thee". I truly feel that.

    You have been praying for my sleeping. I am really sleeping now. I take my medication early, I thought too early, but I actually slept last night from 8:00 PM until 6:00 AM today. That is so amazing.

    My release made it past one more check point last week. i will talk to the Warden tomorrow to see how he's doing with it. He has been very approachable for me.

God has answered every prayer of yours and mine. I feel no pain. I do believe God is doing something in my body. I have no evidence of any cancer in me. I feel wonderful. I walk three miles, I did 35 pushups yesterday and I decided it is time to start building my muscles back. I am not going to live like I'm going to die. I'm going to live like I'm going to live. And every day the Lord gives me I will proclaim him every opportunity I get. I will ask him to guide me so that nobody gets tired of hearing it, that he will keep my testimony fresh  and interesting because he is fresh and interesting. A stale testimony is not what he deserves. If he has given me an interesting life, one which people want to hear about it is so that I can proclaim his glory. Could it be that my life has just begun? Could it be the Lord will allow me to see his church prevail, establish its people, where people will know and love the gospel, where evangelism will not be a secondary function of the church, but as normal a part of church life as having babies is to a marriage? Could it be that we can draw attention to the way of Christ and the Apostles in such a way that when people think of church, they will no longer think of brick and mortar, but think of a priest in every household, Every family uniting with other families in such a way that church will be interesting and exciting and it will no longer be true that the 80% of the young people want to leave because they do not see its relevance? Could it be that we could see such unity in the church that elders will no longer see themselves as committee members, but as teachers of the word, with wisdom that comes from being grounded and established in the word and living it in their own households in such a way that every family and every household a center of ministry and outreach to the world?

One of my favorite jobs on the farm as a boy was swathing grain. Dad let me run the swather when I was ten years old. It was fun when the oats was standing straight and tall. When the cutter bar came to cut the oat, the reel would push the oat plant over at just the right time so that the oat would fall on the swather canvas, all headed the same way with the heads first and the busts last. Then the canvas belt would run them all to the end where they were dropped off in a nice windrow. The grain would dry there for another ten days, and then the harvester (the combine) would come. The straw would go into the combine all heads first, all the same say so that the beaters in the combine would beat the oat grain out of the straw. There was a fan in there with little doors allowing one to regulate the amount of wind that came over the grain. Just the right amount of wind would blow the chaff away and leave the grain. Then the grain would fall through the sieves and into an auger that would auger the oat kernels into a bin to be hauled away and saved. The oat kernels were the prize of the plant. It was used for feed for cattle and people. The chaff would be blown away in the wind. It had no value.  The straw would go out the back for lesser service. It would be used for bedding for the cattle, and then two weeks later when we cleaned the barn it would be hauled out as manure. Maybe it seems strange that i should relate that here, but I think of how Jesus spoke of the Lord of the harvest. The Lord of the harvest comes to harvest his church. How great when the church is all in agreement the way Christ taught the Apostles to administer it. Sometimes in the fields, we would get a hard rain and the grain would get heavy. The grain would go down and would not stand until the reaper laved it down the same way. It was hard to harvest. It caused some of the kernels to get blown away with the chaff because it couldn't be beaten out of the straw properly. I loved harvest time. Dad let me run the machine but he kept a close eye on me from a distance. It was important that the settings on the combine and machinery were set right. We wouldn't want good kernels to be blown away like chaff. We wouldn't want chaff to go into the bin with the good kernels.

    Paul described his work as an apostle as being an "administrator of the Mystery". I often think of that, how he referred to the gospel as a mystery. It is easy to see how it remains a mystery to so many because they can read it, hear it, and not get it. The Holly Spirit must reveal the mystery so people get it. He reveals it where ever he chooses to reveal it. Jesus said to Nichodemus, T"he wind blows where it will". (He was referring to the Holy Spirit). Nobody can tell where it comes from or where it goes. We can't direct it, harness it or put it in a container. He is God and he does as he pleases. However, he has given us through the church the job of "administering the mystery" of the gospel. It is such an important work and a privilege to be trusted by our heavenly father to administer the gospel. Administering the gospel is far more than having a church where a good sermon is being preached. The church must be a place where people meet Jesus and then are brought under solid teaching in every household, how to live as Christ taught the disciples to live.

     The amazing result is that the end product is that we are called sons and daughters of God. Separated from our sins, as though they never existed, and then to be called righteous. And the reality of this becomes so great that all the things of this earth become very strangely dim, unimportant, and even undesirable to us. The things of the Lord become more and more desirable, so that he causes us to crave, hunger and thirst after the things of God. We should not expect that to happen unconsciously. We need to ask God for that. He is the one who can produce that in us and he will. He wants to. He is waiting to.

     "Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting to one another in reverence to Christ." Eph. 5:20
Bob