PP 262

Dear Prayer Partners,

You may not have realized it but my email capability had been down for a day and a half and it was a killer for me. The holiday weekend was the longest time in my life. With Tom's move some of my PP were delayed and you probably got them around Memorial Day so maybe the gap was filled on that end. On this end it was quite a different thing. I am reminded how everything is so much more appreciated if it can be shared with someone. I know when I get out, if I can see the mountains, the Grand Canyon, or what ever it is, I will always say, "If only the grandchildren were here". I did a lot of business travel alone in my life and every time I came to a beautiful spot, I would say that, "I must come back with Jan and the kids".      This is why the PP emails are such a blessing for me. It gives me the opportunity to share thoughts, experiences, conversations and concerns; and you in return sometimes respond, pray, or hopefully enjoy them as well. While discipling is fun, it is a lot like parenting. It brings with it concerns for the new births, that they show signs of life, health, nourishment and growth. Yes, I can't help but be concerned for them much as a parent.

    Example: Elijah made a confession and prayed the prayer. I have not seen him since. I know he may have been busy with visits or whatever, but it's a concern. As I read Rob Moran's letter a short time ago about his family's needs. I do wish his needs would be met, but I am concerned that he might have developed the idea through some other teaching that it's God's job to keep us happy. There is much teaching in prison that if you have enough faith, you can ask God for anything at all and he will give it to you. If you don't get what you ask for you don't have enough faith. I am saddened by that, almost anxious for Rob and Suann. I wish their needs were met. We have prayed and asked, yet at the same time if they are not met, we must trust that God has a purpose or another way.

     I think of Charlie and Kelly whom I just told you about. Charlie wants to be a Christian , but his approach is still to talk to a lot of people. An old man here, a kind hearted, sweet spirit man who is a Methodist minister is taking Charlie to different studies, and the last one was the Catholic Mass. The minister himself is not established. I am having trouble getting time with Charlie where we can sit down for a significant time. Pray for Charlie. We have a friendship, he often waits for me for meals. We need time to sit with the Bible. But no matter how well we understand the concepts that Jesus taught, we need to be born again. Just as Jesus told friends, we must be born again. When a person is born again they truly have new life. I tell them the things they worry about going back to when they get out will go away if they are truly born again, and ask Jesus to give them a new heart; meaning cleaning out the temple inside them where God intended for him to dwell, for his spirit to live. With a new heart God cleans that place out and he lives there giving us new wants, new desires, new things to satisfy us. Christianity is more than teaching - it's a way of life. In fact, it is life itself. "He who has the son has life," When we talk about this kind of life we are talking about something that is far more than morality, far more than doctrinal accuracy. This new life is radical, not superficial. It is humble, not self-promoting. It's compassionate, not indifferent.

     I want these guys to realize the kind of Christianity that can bring us safely through any crisis, so that when we get through the crises we can look back on our life and our crises and say, "I have truly known God. He was truly with me. He was moving sovereignly before me. What an amazing Savior, and now my Redeemer".

    While I pray that for these guys, I pray the same for all of us. Myself, my family, and all you prayer partners regardless of your circumstances, that we will experience God in such a way we will desire him, and walking with him, even more than we desire our circumstances to change.

    A friend sent me the book "Authentic Christianity" by Ray Stedman, some time ago. I'm reading it for the second time and parts of it for the third time. I highly recommend the  book. I want to quote him on the subject I was just talking about with my concerns for the guys and maybe us as prayer partners as well. Just as I have people I'm concerned for, you may as well, maybe grandchildren or children.

     He was writing about signs of life of new Christians and then goes into three possible choices Christians can make as they become older in the faith. "Inevitably , sooner or  later, the old natural life begins to reassert itself. The glow begins to fade from Christian worship;, and Bible reading becomes less and less rewarding".

    First the young Christian may continue his decline to the point of dropping out of all Christian relationships, neglecting the Bible, abandoning prayer, losing interest in spiritual things, falling back into the previous life style. This may be a temporary backslide, or if longer term or permanent, of course, the question can really come whether this person was really a Christian in the first place.

     Second, the young Christian may become aware of his cold and rebellious heart, become frightened by the thought of regressing to what he was before, and repentantly cast himself upon God's mercy, renewing his trust in God's promises. Such Christians often seek the help of older, more experienced Christians as mentors and prayer partners who encourage them  and hold them accountable as they return to a state of obedience, peace, and joy. This cycle may be repeated many times until it becomes habitual and he becomes to think of it as normal Christianity.

    Third, and most likely possibility, is that the new Christian may discover what millions of others before him have learned; It is possible to avoid the pain and humiliation of these cycles of repentance and renewal by maintaining an outward facade of spiritual commitment, moral impeccability, and orthodox behavior. One can simply maintain an outward reputation for spiritual maturity that is satisfying to the ego, even thought he is inwardly haunted by the fact that his 'Christianity' is a hollow shell. Such an outwardly Christian lifestyle is so prevalent today that a new Christian can hardly be blamed for adopting it and regarding it as normal. He drifts  into it with only an occasional twinge of doubt or a rare, faint pang of conscience.

     I am praying for the kind of Christianity that can bring us safely through any crisis, that will enable us to look back on the timeline of our life and say, "I have truly known God". Yes, dear Partners, I think many of us have been in the faith for many years, and I would be so blessed, to the point of sensing a calling fulfilled if all of us can say, from walking through this experience together, "I really know God".
   
    One more airplane metaphor: As a student pilot I had to learn to do stalls. Stalls bothered me. It is where you must climb the airplane (at reduced power) and hold the nose up until the airplane can't fly anymore and it "stalls" meaning it stops flying , the nose drops until you pick up airspeed and then you recover. I told my instructor, "Stalls make me nervous". He said, "You need a confidence builder, you need to trust the integrity of the airplane". He said, "We need to do some maximum maneuvers". We climbed this time at full power. He had me continue to hold the nose what seemed like straight up and with the rudder pedals kept the wings straight so the plane didn't spin. When the plane couldn't climb anymore we began sliding backwards down out of the sky. He said, "There, now you know the airplane won't fall apart, and won't crash. It just gains its normal characteristics again after you resume a normal attitude". I have often thought of that experience. It was a confidence builder for me. It made a normal stall seem like a very moderate thing. In flying, in order to learn, you need to be somewhat of a risk taker. It seems to me, the same thing is true. We must take some risks with our faith. We must step out of our comfort zone where we need the Lord. Sometimes we step out, some times he pushes us out, but no matter how we get there, we must come to the end of ourselves, our resources, to find the amazement of his.

In the Lord,
Bob

PP 261

Dear Prayer Partners,

    A new prayer request. Jan and I have been watching this couple in visiting and speaking to them only so little because cross visiting is not allowed here. But we saw this really nice looking couple. I met him later, his name is Charlie Lindauer. The names are Charlie Lindauer, His wife Kelly and little girl Olive.

I would guess Charlie to be about 37 years old. Kelly about the same and Olive is three, very well behaved and very sweet and unspoiled little girl. They conducted themselves in such a way we thought they may be Christians. I think we have seen them in visiting about four times. I met Charlie here on the fourth floor, and had short conversations with him but never much time to talk in depth. Today I was walking the track. He saw me coming and stopped and waited for me. We did a bunch of laps together, so after a few laps, we were talking about our families and I asked, "Are you Christians?" Charlie said, "No-----yes." He said my wife just started going to church, and he wanted to but he needed information. He asked me about the Bible studies here and the church. I said, "Charlie, if you're really interested, you can go to church and Bible study, but you really need to learn how you can learn on your own from God's word because iI have been to these studies and church, and there is a lot of confusion there." He asked about Catholic, Christian and what's the difference.

I said, "Most Catholics refer to themselves as Catholic and not Christian, although some of them are. Many Christians call themselves Christians and say they are because they believe. The thing is, that even Satan believes in God and he believes in Jesus. Now, Christians believe that God has told us in the Bible everything he  wants us to know about him, and he wants us to not only know about him, but know him. Most people think we can't know him, but we can." He asked a few more questions, and I told him I would like to get him a study Bible. I said, "I need to show you how to use it, because I am leaving, and Charlie, the only way for you to know for sure is for you to see it in the Bible for yourself".

So, I have passed his name on to a prayer partner and he is sending a good Study Bible for Charlie. This is so good. Jan and I wanted to think they were Christians. I don't think they are at this point, I don't think they understand sin and salvation,. Most people don't. That is what we will go over when his Bible comes.

Today Steve Bergeson, a friend from Iowa, came to visit me. He met Elijah last night. Today when he left, I just went out for a walk. God had Charlie waiting for me. Isn't God good! This is so totally his spirit moving. I am doing nothing.

I only wanted to pass along to you in the last email how my gospel presentation goes. I hope it doesn't come across that I think my presentation is what is doing it. That is the presentation thing based on what I think. I do think that God is allowing me amazing opportunities, and I do work hard at doing it the best I can. I love that God is so sovereign. I don't  think any of the people would go to Hell if I wasn't here, because he is calling them, he is choosing them, he just gives me the privilege of ministering  to them the best I can. It is not the perfection, or completeness of what I say. I just want to encourage as many as I can to be ready for when the time comes  that the Lord puts someone in your path whom he is calling, that you feel ready. I will continue to work at improving all I can but praying the Lord will give me more.

So please pray for:
Enoch (new Christian) and wife Mary (willing to become a Christian)
Charlie and Kelly Lindauer, and  little Olive.  Pray for their salvation and that God will turn their interest into solid believing born again faith.

Thank you so much,

Bob
Also, did I tell you my papers left the Warden's's desk about two weeks ago and should be either in Washington to Minneapolis right now?  PTL

PP 260

Dear Prayer Partners,

 

    Using my flying analogy in the last PP email, I just had another example of how often we don't understand why we are learning something, we just don't see the need for it at the time.

    Today I received a birthday card from my sister in law and most of it was a hymn we sang in church in my childhood. It certainly wasn't a favorite of mine then, it seemed like we would sing it toward the end of the service like it was the only thing standing between me and the door and i was hoping they certainly wouldn't sing all the verses. Today, at another time, in a different place, in different circumstances, that same song made me cry as I read it, it meant so much. I will just give you the third verse:

     All the way my Savior leads me,
     Oh the fullness of his love.
     Perfect rest to me is promised
    In my Father's house above
     When my spirits clothed immortal
    Wings its flight to realms of day,
     This my song through endless ages
     Jesus led me all the way;
     This my song through endless ages;
     Jesus led me all the way.

It's a song of God's sovereignty and the peace we receive from knowing his character, the way he is. It's the message I would like to teach more than any other and that is, God is completely sovereign. Nothing touches us that does not first pass through his hand. He is with us, always. He is on the other side of our situations, he causes his will to be done. What comfort, what peace, what joy!

 

Today prayers were answered. Elijah prayed to receive Christ. It was all of God, nothing of me, in fact, I tried to put him off.

I have been trying to connect with him for some time and it just wasn't working out. I began wondering if he was as interested as he said. Today as I finished my walk on the track, there he was. He said, "Let's sit in the shade and talk. It's a hot day here".

    We sat down and the first question he asked was, "How is it that you and your wife have been married for 52 years?" I said, "Well, we are both Christians. We realize our lives are not about us, they belong to the Lord". He said, "Is your wife a Christian?" I said, "Yes". He said, "Would you have married her if she wasn't?" I said, "No, I don't think I would. God doesn't want his children to become equally yoked with unbelievers, that means in equal agreements not only in marriage but in business". He had more questions.  I said, "Let me get my Bible. Otherwise I'm just giving you my opinion about things. I want you to get it from God himself". As I left he called me back, he said, "Bob, do you think I could ever be a good Christian brother"?

    I got my Bible and we met in the courtyard. I wanted him to read it  but he said he didn't have his glasses. (Now I'm not sure he can read. He does have a pretty good business.) This is how I presented the gospel to him. It's the same way I do it every time now. I have worked on this for some time and want to pass it on to you as I can now in a real live situation.

 

I asked Elijah where he thought Jesus came from. Did he come to God as a baby? Elijah didn't know. Then I read.

I begin in John 1 "In the beginning was the word, the word was with God, and the word was God". Then I explained that Jesus was right with God all through creation.

 

Next we go to Genesis because I want them to see God's pleasure as he created everything. At the end of each day it says, "And he saw it was very good". God was having a great time creating the earth and everything on it. Then I pointed out some creativity in Elijah's life. He told me he loves rebuilding cars, antique cars, muscle cars etc. I said, "You get a thrill out of that, don't you?" He agreed he did. I said, "That is part of what Got put in you that's like him. God likes creativity, and he likes fun and pleasure. In fact, that's why he created man, it was for his own pleasure. God created the earth for man's pleasure. God is not against pleasure. The Christian life is about pleasure, creativity, and relationships". Then we continued in Genesis where God and Adam were in the garden enjoying each other's company and God saw that all the animals had a mate, man had no mate. This is the first time God says, "This is not good". So God created woman for man. "And it was good".

     So here are God, Adam, and Eve in the Garden. Now God is completely holy and man was holy too and that is why they could have the kind of relationship they had. Because of God's holiness and man's spinelessness.

    (The reason I go over this is because most people think that sin is the last awful thing they did. They don't realize that we are not sinners because we do awful things, we do awful things because we are sinners.)

    Then we talked about Lucifer, the most beautiful of all angels. How Lucifer became jealous of God and caused one third of the angels to become jealous of God, and how God had to create hell as a place for Lucifer and his followers. He never intended it for man. But now Lucifer comes to Eve in the form of a serpent and gets Eve to doubt or to reinterpret what God said.

     God had said, "You can eat of any tree of the garden you want to except of the tree of knowledge of good and evil." God wanted man to know only good. He did not want man to know evil. "Satan, the deceiver came and twisted what God said, when he said, "Did God not tell you you can't eat of any tree?". Then Eve corrected him. Then Satan caused Eve to doubt and then reinterpret what God intended. Satan said, "He knows if you eat of that tree you will become like him." Eve, convinced that God did not have her best interest at heart ate of the tree. Then Adam. Now they had a heart of sin. Sin was upon them.

    Since God is holy he can only have fellowship with the holy. Man now was unholy. This was probably the saddest day for God that anyone could imagine. All of God's work of creation was for the crown of his creation whom he intended to have fellowship with for ever, now must die. It seems like a win for Satan and it is. But God then announces the one whom he tells Satan, you have bruised his heal, but he will crush your head. Already God had a plan and he was announcing Jesus.

 

(Please understand, I am telling you all this because this is what i have distilled my gospel presentation down to after giving it many times in prison. I found I needed to cover these things because people really don't understand the holiness of God, don't know why God has wrath, don't understand sin. If one doesn't understand sin, how can he really repent, and if he only sees God as an impersonal force, how can he desire God or want a relationship with him?)

 

Then, because Elijah seems to be a pretty good guy, he likes to do good things, gives to the poor etc. I have learned to use the story of Peter and Cornelius in Acts 10. If you remember I did this with Pepi and he really responded to it. So with Elijah I told him he reminds me of Cornelius, and we read how Cornelius, a good man, an important man who worshiped God was alone one day when God sent an angel to tell Cornelius there was a man God wanted him to see. He should send his men to Peter and told him where they would find Peter.

     At the same time God gave Peter a vision of food coming down from heaven on a sheet; food that a Jew wasn't supposed to eat and up to this time the Jews weren't supposed to eat pork. Well there is pork on this sheet and Peter said,"No Lord, I can't eat this meat it is unclean". And God said, "Don't call anything unclean that I have called clean".

     In addition to that, God told Peter he was to go to the house o fa man called Cornelius, an upright man, and bring him a message. (Now up to this point I had told Elijah he reminded me of Cornelius, because he was a good man, but there was something he was missing. God was going to send Peter with a message of what he was missing). So as we read farther, Peter goes with the men and they come to Cornelius house. Cornelius gathers his whole household together to hear what Peter has to say.

     (By now Elijah is getting drowsy as often people do at this point. I have covered a lot of material. I always offer to stop here and usually do. If I stop, I ask them if they would like to meet again tomorrow to hear what the message is. In Bob Moran's family they all wanted to meet again the next day. In Elijah's case, he just got a real disappointed look on his face, like a child if you take a favorite toy away from him. He said,"Aw come on, don't make me wait")

     So I handed Elijah the Bible now for him to read the next ten verses which is the gospel, the same gospel that all the disciples repeated over and over as they preached. They always said the same thing. I told Elijah, "This is the gospel." He smiled. He was almost overcome with fatigue. I hesitated - silence - he broke the silence. (Also our time was running out, the move was almost over.) Elijah broke the silence. He said "Can we pray?". I said "Yes, what do you want to pray for? Do you want to become a follower of Jesus?" He said, "I do". I said a short prayer, and he prayed a salvation prayer repeating after me. He was sincere, he was prepared by God before I came. He was like a really red tomato just ready to fall off the vine. The Lord had so completely done the work.

     Elijah still needs much more help. He is concerned that I am leaving. He wanted my contact information because he said, "One of these days you'll be gone, I won't to be able to contact you". I said, "Elijah, when you get out, my son Tom will contact you". He said, "That's good, but God's not going to take you, I want to come to see you. How long does it take to drive to Minnesota?" I said it was about 18 hours. He said, "I want to come and spend a couple days with you with my wife. I want to go to church with you. I want to see how you live. " I said,  "That's good, Elijah, you're welcome any time. "

     When I told Elijah how Peter was surprised that not only should he eat unclean meat but that he should go to a Gentiles house I explained to Elijah that at that time a Jew was not to enter into the house of a Gentile. "You and I are Gentiles, Elijah. Before that time, we couldn't be Christians. It was only for Jews. Peter couldn't have come to our house. It's worse than racism, It's like if I couldn't come to your house because you're black and I'm white." When I said that Elijah got out a piece of paper and took a note of where that was in the Bible.

     In most situations before I finished I would go to John 3 where Jesus says you must be born again. We were out of time and Elijah was so eager we never got there, but they need to understand that even Satan believes, I feel the need to go beyond belief and quote Jesus on being born again.

    Well, I just wanted to put in here how I now do the gospel presentation. I hope it is helpful. I think so often the gospel presentation gets short changed and starts too late in the story. Let me just outline it here one more time.

     The Holiness of God
     The creative pleasure of God,
    God is a God of relationship
    Man, the crown of creation
    The Fall --- the devastation of it---- the sadness of God---the separation of God and Man
    God's offer of a remedy.

 

    It was a thrilling day for me, even though I had so little to do with it. It's been two months since I have been able to introduce someone to the Lord, and the Lord knew I was needing that too. I am always amazed though that there are people all over that God is speaking to. We are probably walking by them every day and not noticing, too busy, too preoccupied.

 

     Thank you, Lord for being willing to use empty vessels such as we are to allow us to carry your story, to serve the Lamb at your table. Be with Elijah, work mightily in his heart. Lead him to knowledge and understanding that he may walk uprightly with you each and every day of his life.

All because of Jesus, Amen

Bob

PP Weakness and a concert of prayer

Dear Prayer Partners,

     I'm dealing with weakness today. Not that I'm feeling weak right now, I'm thankful for the strength I have. In my inner being I am concerned with how long the BOP is going to shuffle papers before they let me go home. I wouldn't mind the time, the wait, but in the flesh I see my strength dissipating. I want my grandchildren to see me up and around. For three years they have come and visited me in a visiting center where all we could do is sit and talk. I am thinking about being with them when I have strength like I have now. I can walk, talk, and have fun, maybe go in a boat, ride in a canoe, build a campfire or even do some camping. I would like the strength to do that.

     I know that out of a possible thousand of you who follow my emails, there are many of you who are dealing with weakness as well, prayed long and hard and still struggle. In fact, most of you are very familiar with pain and loss and that's the reason you are so gracious to me in my circumstance. You have been so gracious in your emails and cards saying you are being ministered to by this. I pray that this will minister to you as you minister to me.

     Our daughter Lora said she prays so much she doesn't even knowhow to pray anymore. I know the feeling. I did some thinking about praying for strength using biblical texts. I want to end this email - or the next in a concert of prayer for all of us who partner in this prison experience. Before I do I want to dwell a little on weakness.

Romans 8:26 -  "Likewise the spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how to pray as we ought but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words and he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the Saints according to the will of God".

   That is always a great comfort to me because I feel my prayers are so weak. Now regarding the weakness of my own flesh, in this case with cancer, I like: I Cor. 15:42 "So it is with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable, what is raised is imperishable. It is shown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body". If there is a natural body, there is a spiritual body.

     Believe me, when you're the first person to go to prison that you have ever known, like I am, you do a lot of thinking about how people see you, what do they think of you, how will you be remembered? Even this is something that is used by God. It's interesting for me to see how God used Satan as a messenger to Paul. II Cor 12:7-10 - "So to keep me from being conceited because of eye surpassing greatness of the revelation, a thorn was given to me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness! Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

     So the Lord has chosen me for a ministry, not because of my strength, but because of my weakness.
I Cor 1:26 -  "Consider your calling brothers; not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish to the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world, to shame the strong; God chose what is despised not the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God--------Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord."

    So that was all about weakness. So should we desire weakness? I think not. The lesson for me as I read the above texts is not to desire weakness, but not to cover up weakness. The Lord doesn't work through us because of either our weakness or our strength. He wants to work through us just if we will be open vessels to his spirit, to his calling, if we will be open and honest about ourselves so we do not take credit for what the Lord does.

                                       Pray for strength

I Chronicles 16:11 -  "Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually."
Ps 84:5 "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, In whose heart are the highways to heaven.

Ps 105:4 "Seek the Lord and his strength, Seek his presence. Remember the wondrous works he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered." Yes, I must remember the wondrous things he has done, even as I have come to prison. I must remember, never forget the grace he has given. Remembering is an active thing, it is not passive. We are prone by nature to forget the great things God has done. We are prone in the flesh to not see the great works of God as being great. We are prone by the flesh to say, "Well, that was lucky".

Mk 12:29-30 "The Lord our God is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all  your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength". And I ask, "Who can do it?" That is why we need to ask God for that. Asking him to increase our capacity to love him the way he deserves and desires to be loved. Asking him to change this heart of mine that doesn't seem to find in itself the capacity to do that.

                                         A CONCERT OF PRAYER

When I hear from you I realize the great number that we are now, joined together in what seems like my story, but it is really God's story. I think of the hundreds of prayers given on my behalf from saints and friends who deal with their own set of circumstances, their own thorns in the flesh, their own prisons. My prison just happens to be a little more spectacular than most so I have an audience through email. I pray for you all often too, that these blessings of this connection will flow back to you, that your lives will be strengthened. Today I would like to do a concert of prayer. There is a favorite prayer of mine, prayed by Paul. I would like all of us to pray this prayer for all of us. Even if you are just a reader who gets this passed on to you through someone else, please include yourself as a partner in this prayer. Join hands at home and pray this for your children and grandchildren as well. God will be praised.

Eph. 3:14-19         Prayer for Spiritual Strength

     "For this reason I bow my knee before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit, in your inner being. So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you being grounded and rooted in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God.

     Now, to him who is able to do much more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, Amen.

259 PP

Dear Prayer Partners,     ///    Keeping your eye on a landmark, faith, trust

     As I walked the track today I was pondering a truth and making some connections from my childhood days on the farm that really stayed with me. As a boy, I really wanted to be able to do all the things that men do on the farm. Dad let me do a lot of things in the field that were beyond my years, and I know that in order for him to do that he had to settle for less than the best. One thing he never let me do was plant corn. One thing farmers wanted with corn planting was straight rows and the most important row was the first path through the field, because all the other paths through the field would work off the first path. If you got a hitch in the row on the first pass, every row would have a hitch in it after that. I sat on the fender as Dad planted, and he said, "Son, I'll show you how to make a straight row". He said, "You need to pick out something on the horizon way on the far side of the field and drive straight toward it and never take your eyes off it. You can't look back because if you do when your head turns, the steering wheel will turn and you'll have a crooked row. I watched him do it many times, but that is one job he never let me do".

     I practiced his technique with other things. With a disk or a mower, whatever I was doing, I would practice making straight rows. The first cut through the field, I would find a landmark on the far side. I would stand up on the tractor and focus on the landmark. If I needed to look back to check the implement I was pulling I knew I had to stop the tractor, because if I turned my head, my shoulder would turn and there would be a crook in the line. It wasn't absolutely necessary to have everything be perfectly straight, it just gave me something  to do while I was doing my work. Every thing looked nicer with straight rows.

     Many of you know Jonathon Kreps. I taught Jon the lawn business and he worked his way through college with the lawn business. If you ask Jon today about it he will tell you that Bob told me I had to have straight lines. The job was just more professional if all the lines were straight.

     You may wonder why I would be thinking of that today as I walked the track. Well, I was thinking about living the Christian life in all circumstances, and how I have learned  to practice keeping my eye on the landmark all through life. One of my Prayer Partners picked up on this without me saying anything about it, but I am talking about it now. He said, "It seems to me you know how you should live and you're trying to live it out that way". That is exactly right.

     It was because of serving in the Navy that I qualified for the GI bill. Under that bill I was entitled to some education and getting a commercial pilot's license qualified and the government would pay for it. I decided  to take up flying. Learning the basics of flying, how to take off and land are relatively easy. The next biggest challenge is not getting lost. You learn to use landmarks and your compass to keep yourself oriented as to where you are. As a requirement of getting the student permit one had to make a solo cross country flight. For my cross country flight I decided to fly to Bemidji, Minnesota which is straight north of Willmar where I was flying from. All my training was done over agricultural land around Willmar where every square mile is laid out in a section with a road around it, so just by looking at section lines you could easily tell east, from north etc. That day, as I left the agriculture land, about north of Alexandria, I came to the land of lakes and forests. No more roads to mark the directions. Now I knew I really needed to depend on and believe the compass. I had the map on my lap and using pilotage, had planned the railroad tracks, highways, lakes, I could use for land marks and had calculated how many minutes it should take between landmarks. This is basic pilotage. As I nervously watched for the landmarks, and watching my map at the same time, my head was down every time I looked at the map. Then I would look at the compass to make sure I was still heading north. This one time, my head must have been down looking at the map longer than I thought. When I looked up, the compass said West. I thought to myself, that cannot be West. I haven't turned, it can't be West. I tapped the compass to make sure it was working. It was working, but it took me minutes that seemed like an hour to get my mental reality to agree with the compass reality. It was a frightening experience, so much so that I turned the airplane toward home and didn't finish the trip. It scared me how I could become so disoriented that I couldn't believe what the compass was telling me. As a student, that was frightening. As an experienced pilot and hearing about it, it's just funny because planes don't crash because you don't know where you are.  But as a student, looking down and seeing nothing but trees and lakes and not knowing which direction home is, is scary.

     A friend of mine had the same experience and flew to a town that had a water tower and flew low around the water tower to read the name of the town. We never stopped laughing at that one. So this was a simple example of the need to believe in what we say is true, in what we say we believe in.

     As my flying progressed, I wanted to get my instrument rating. With a VFR License you can fly only when the sun is out, basically so you can see whereever you are going, not allowed to fly into a cloud because without training a pilot cannot fly into a cloud and survive more than three minutes. What happens is, you have an artificial horizon instrument that shows you where the horizon should be. When you turn, the artificial turns slant to show you the bank angle of the airplane. It sounds easy as you sit in your chair and think about it. The problem is, when you get into a cloud, you can't see anything. As you get a few bumps, which you can in a cloud, if you turn your head a little your inner ear starts playing tricks on you. You will think you are in a banking turn one way, let's say to the right, so you correct to the left. The truth is you weren't in a banking turn to the right, your body was just telling you that, so when you "corrected" you turned it into a banking turn to the left and you didn't know it. You think you are straight and level and you're not. It is called "vertigo". For a person who is not trained in how to deal with it, it is deadly. You can not survive it. So the first thing you need to learn is to trust your instruments and not your feelings. Your life depends on it.

     There are a number of other things you need to learn to fly instruments, and it is really fun and challenging. You fly many hours "under the hood" with a hood on so you can't see outside the airplane. Of course there is a flight instructor with you to keep you from running into someone. You learn to do unusual attitudes, simulated instrument failures where the flight instructor covers up some instruments like the artificial horizon forcing you to use back up instruments, steep turns under the hood, all very interesting.

     Then comes the day for passing the test, passing the check ride, and then your first solo IFR  (instrument flight rules) flight. Mine was on a Monday morning. I had business in Fargo ND. I had a new Mooney airplane and was really excited for the trip. The ceilings were about 900 feet at Willmar and forecasted to be the same in Fargo. The tops of the clouds were to be at 8,000 feet so i expected to pop out on top and fly in the sunshine. I was looking forward to that because we had just had a long time of dark dreary days. I was looking forward to seeing the sun.

     I filed my flight plan with the FAA. Taxied the airplane to the runway and received my clearance from Minneapolis Center. I took off visually. As I neared the base of the clouds I focused on the instruments. I went into the cloud and did a lot of self talk. Scan all the instruments, don't fixate on any one. I must be sure to tell if one is faulty and giving wrong information.

    On reaching 3,000 feet I check in with Center and they clear me to six thousand feet. As I climb I start picking up some ice. Ice is something you really don't want in an airplane especially one that is not equipped for ice. As I reach six thousand feet I contact Minneapolis Center "reporting at six requesting 8,000. They don't clear me. I see ice forming on the leading edges of the wings, so I know it's on the prop as well. This is my first experience with ice. I ask myself, is this what it's supposed to be like? Finally I call Center and say "Minneapolis Center Mooney -------Hotel, picking up ice asking for higher. This time they clear me to 8,000 feet. At seven thousand feet it starts getting lighter at 7,500 feet I break out on top into beautiful sunshine. Wow! this is what flying is all about. The ice dissipates off the wings. I'm enjoying the sunshine on top of the clouds. I'm just looking all around so amazed at what instrument flying is all about. AS I approach Fargo Hector airport I'm instructed by Center to contact Fargo approach on Freq------.  I have already gotten Fargo ATIS (weather) conditions and they are lower than expected. I contact Fargo approach and they clear me to descend to 3,000 feet and give me a heading that is going to lead me to the outer marker. The wind is out of the south so they are directing me to the north of the airport. They begin vectoring me around to cross the outer marker which will align me up with runway 18. They clear me to descend to 2,400 feet and report when established on the localizer. Established means on course, at the right altitude. I report established on the ling, outer marker inbound. They turn me over to the tower and tower tells me I'm cleared to land. At the outer marker I lower the landing gear. I have already slowed up to 80 knots so just lowering the gear creates just the right amount of drag on the airplane I begin to descend at 500 feet per minute, just what the approach chart calls for. Now I wait. I descend, proceeding toward the runway seeing nothing out the windshield. The minimums here are 200 feet. Passing through 500 feet still saw no runway. 400, 300, 200! Then there it is! The runway lights break through the fog. In an instant I'm on the ground and rolling out. Wow! What a thrill. Everything went just like it was supposed to. It was a thrill.

    I spent they day doing my work in Fargo. At 5:00 pm am finished and reverse the procedure for the flight home. I climb out of Fargo, break out on top at 5,000 feet this time and see the sun sinking in the west. I feel like I'm the only person in the world, sitting here on top of the cloud, riding home. At Willmar, I'm cleared for the approach. I do the procedure turns, lined up with the runway and begin the descent. I break out of the cloud this time at 900 feet, and it's an easy visual landing. I hanger the airplane and driving home I can't wait to tell the family about my day.

     At dinner that night I attempt to tell the family about the unbelievable day I just had. I've practiced so long with an instructor. I flew flight simulators to help me to believe the instruments. I went and did it and I sat in the sunshine. Then came down into the darkness, and the runway was right there, right where it was supposed to be. They said, "Oh really? Please pass the potatoes". It just didn't translate by the telling,  yet it was the most unbelievable experience I had ever had to that point in an airplane.

     I don't know how that story translates for you. For me it is such a lesson in belief and faith and what I had to do to get it.
It's difficult to believe. It's easy to say "I believe" but to believe is quite another thing. The Lord knows how hard it is for us to believe. Num. 14:11 "How long will they not believe in me" (Ps 27:13) I believe I that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait upon the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord!

    It took me a long time to learn to trust the airplane and to believe in what the instruments were telling me. It also takes some time to get to know the Lord in a way we truly believe and trust in him, especially when it requires waiting. It takes practice. It takes going into the "simulator". For me going to his word every morning is like going into the simulator. If not to learn new things, it is to gain confidence in the repetition of what I already know. Just as a pilot is not safe if he does not practice and stay current in his training, so a Christian is not safe unless he is current in the word. It isn't just what have I done; it's, What have I done lately.

In Christ,
Bob

258 PP

PP - Open letter to Emma. Emma is my granddaughter of Lora and Chris in Dallas Texas.

Dear Emma,

     Thank you for your email about my birthday. You asked me what I got for my birthday and what I did for my birthday. I'm answering your email in an open letter to my Partners. I hope the reason becomes clear as I write.

     If I remember correctly, you are thirteen years old now. You are a very high energy young lady, smaller than most for your age, but full of big ideas. Also being thirteen you are right between childhood and adulthood, and your station in life, and the way God created you to love adventure, challenges, and how you live so expectantly caused you to ask me the question you did about my birthday. In asking that question you really helped me, a 75-year-old man to think more deeply about my special day.

     I think it might be the child still in you that caused you to think that this should be a special day for me. It's the old man in me that at first glance thought, that is a silly question for an old sick man who is locked up in prison. I think it is the adult in you that is going to allow you to understand my answer to you.

     Growing up like I did, on a farm with everyone engaged in the work of the farm, I am not used to making much of my birthday. This year I had even less expectation of it being a special day due to my circumstances. But for some reason your questions were in my mind throughout the day, and in pondering your questions I discovered some very important lesson for myself and I want to share it with you. 

     Without even thinking, I could tell you that one inmate gave me a "fireball" for my birthday. Do you know what a fireball is? It's a round ball of candy that is really hot, and I like them. This man knows I like them and he gives me one almost every day. Another man, when he found out it was my 75th birthday, gave me a Snickers candy bar. I recognized those right away as birthday presents. The other birthday presents took me a couple day to figure them out. Without your question, I would have taken them as "circumstantial". In wanting to answer you, I thought this through and now I can tell you what else I got.

     On my birthday the CO came into our room and said, "I got bad news for you guys, you are going to have to move. I don't need to give you an explanation, but I like you guys so I will. I've got a guy who needs to be locked in and yours is the only room with a tray door in the door where food can be passed through, so I'm going to have to move you and separate you." In prison it takes a while to get used to new roommates and you usually don't like changing rooms, and I didn't either.

     He moved me in a room with a Cuban man named Louis. Louis is a Christian man so I liked that. I had to move so quickly. They never give you any notice or any time, you have to do it quickly and that was a little stressful for me. I got settled in with Louis, thought he was a pretty good guy and had one night in there with Louis. There is one hospital bed in the room so Louis already had that so I took the other bunk, but kept my nice hospital bed mattress that I told you I had.

     The next morning I left the room and when I came back, Louis told me he was leaving. He has a Mexican friend who had an empty bunk so they wanted to be together. That left the hospital bed empty so I thought I'll just move into that bed now. The guy next door came and claimed he owned the bed, but would sell it to me for $20. That's the way it works in prison, you wonder how anybody can own anything, but it's all below the line thing that it happens. The guards and everyone knows it is happening and just go along with it. The guy wanted $20 from me for the bed. I explained I expected to leave in a few weeks but I would be willing to give him ten stamps for the use of it until I leave. He accepted so now I have not only a hospital mattress, but a nice hospital bed that goes up and down with the feet and the head separately. It is really nice. I also have the room all to myself so I had a man clean it all out, disinfect it, and really do a good house cleaning for ten stamps. He also polished and buffed the floor. So now, I have this really nice room, really nice bed all to myself, at least until a new guy comes in which can be any day or several weeks. It was because of your question that I had to rethink all that had happened and realize this was not just circumstance, it was a special birthday blessing and just thank the Lord for a wonderful birthday present.

     Then one last thing, that is really too personal to talk about, but I want you to know how God works. Got sent Satan to cause a troubling in our minds (Grandma and me) that gave us a very hard visit. I know that it was Satan because of the confusion and testing that took place. I know that it was God because he caused us to see how greatly dependent we are on him, and he caused me to see my responsibility to Grandma, and he taught me that although I am circumstancially weaker than I have ever been in my life, health wise, imprisoned, and unable to do anything about what is happening on the outside, in my marriage and my relationship and responsibility as a husband, I am stronger than I have ever been because of my prayers. I am in a position to protect Grandma from anything Satan would place before her, I am stronger than I realize. I spent the night praying, we spent time together. Satan lost, hands down, God won, and I can tell you, Emma, you know how much I love your Grandmother, but God, on my birthday used Satan to create an even greater love,  which I will remember as a nodel event (an event that I will remember as a life lesson) and my love for Grandma is at an all time high. I see that as a gift of God. I know he wants me to love her at a level I am not capable of, but he is teaching me and strengthening me so that I am growing into the man that he wants me to be, and I am so thankful for that. Emma, that is a story, it is a true story, and I ask that you and my partners don't ask Grandma for the details of that. It's too personal to share, yet the lesson is too important to miss and I wanted you to have it.

     So Emma, you are both child and adult. The child in you causes you to expect things that many older adults have given up on. The adult in you helps you to understand deeper things. Now I ask you for something. Would you email me back what you understand of what I just wrote. What if anything about this made sense to you.

     Emma, I hope you know that anything you say, I really will  think about. I respect you as a young woman. You have already had some pretty great accomplishments in speech and drama, and you have been an initiator in these things. I respect you for that. You have a heart that loves God more than anything else, and that is a special gift. Just know that I love you, I value you. You are very important to me.

Love you,
Papa

254 Sunday

Dear Prayer Partners,      Monday May 13-13

     "We were utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself, indeed we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead. He raised us from such deadly peril and he will deliver us. On him we have our hope that he will deliver us again. You must also help us by prayer, so that many may give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many" 2 Corinthians 2:8,9.

       I have been lying on my bunk for the last hour just thinking and praising the Lord for the experience he is and has given me with you, my family, friends, all my acquaintances and everyone in my life. I was thinking how my life is filled with such consistency right now, starting with my relationship with our Father, to my wife, to you all. There is no break in how I need to think, talk, or write because we all think the same. I remember days like Paul wrote about in 2 Cor. 23:8-9. I remember days of terror, pain, fear and deadly peril. I am amazed how today I have none of that. My whole life is nothing but blessing, like I have been raised from the dead. Today I live in the reality of that, I have no fear or dread of thinking I need to get a prayer partner letter off to my partners, because it is time. I relish this writing, because i feel so strongly the presence of God and I am so privileged to be just the empty vessel that he allows me to speak of him and even possibly for him on his behalf.

     I have prayed many days for my love for him and for Jan, that it would increase. I knew within myself, I fall so far short of his desire and expectation for me in my reality of him. It excited me to learn as we went through book two of First Principles, God's household order for the home, how my submission to Christ, and my love for Jan are a seamless thing. I am not to have one to the exclusion of the other and the Lord is as pleased with my love for her as he is for him, because I now know that I can love her for God's sake. God wants her loved by me to the maximum.

    I sat with Jan these last three days in this visiting center. It's not a desirable place, nor a place one would choose to go for a second or third honeymoon or a 52nd wedding anniversary (not  now, last August). The circumstances were not at all of anyone's choosing, but I am so pleasantly amazed at how thrilled I am to be with her and I believe she with me. We read scripture together, not only because I wanted to but I know how Jan loves to do that and how it feeds her soul when we do that. How it thrilled both our hearts to pray together, not out of obligation or duty, but because the God of the universe made it possible through our savior that we could have direct contact, and communication with him, together, sharing our hearts in a three-way relationship that we do not tire of. There is no feeling of duty in doing so, it's a feeling of desire and pleasure.

     After three days of doing just that and nothing more, I still got back to my room last night and couldn't wait to call her on the phone again, just to hear her voice. I had nothing more to say, but I wanted to hear her voice. I don't think I ever had this kind of love before, I think God is doing something in us and changing us to a place we never want to return from.

     As I lay on my bed this morning i thought of my children, and I know that if we were with them, we could do all the same things. We wouldn't change anything because they are here, they would enjoy it, too. And if you, my prayer partners were here, we would do the same thing. God has blessed me with more than hundreds, I believe thousands of friends, partners, whom we all share his love, passion and concern with. God's people, his abundance, his love and mercy are so great. I don't know that I would have ever known this so profoundly if the Lord had not met me here, brought me to this place, and caused me to focus so much on him.

     As I lay on my bunk, this song from my childhood came to my mind.
         "I need thee, oh I need thee,
         Every hour I need thee,
        Oh bless me now my Savior
        I come to thee".
Yes, I need him so much, and I need to share him so much. I need to talk about him, I need to speak the gospel, I need the gospel in me.

      "As the deer panteth for water, so my soul panteth after thee". I truly feel that.

    You have been praying for my sleeping. I am really sleeping now. I take my medication early, I thought too early, but I actually slept last night from 8:00 PM until 6:00 AM today. That is so amazing.

    My release made it past one more check point last week. i will talk to the Warden tomorrow to see how he's doing with it. He has been very approachable for me.

God has answered every prayer of yours and mine. I feel no pain. I do believe God is doing something in my body. I have no evidence of any cancer in me. I feel wonderful. I walk three miles, I did 35 pushups yesterday and I decided it is time to start building my muscles back. I am not going to live like I'm going to die. I'm going to live like I'm going to live. And every day the Lord gives me I will proclaim him every opportunity I get. I will ask him to guide me so that nobody gets tired of hearing it, that he will keep my testimony fresh  and interesting because he is fresh and interesting. A stale testimony is not what he deserves. If he has given me an interesting life, one which people want to hear about it is so that I can proclaim his glory. Could it be that my life has just begun? Could it be the Lord will allow me to see his church prevail, establish its people, where people will know and love the gospel, where evangelism will not be a secondary function of the church, but as normal a part of church life as having babies is to a marriage? Could it be that we can draw attention to the way of Christ and the Apostles in such a way that when people think of church, they will no longer think of brick and mortar, but think of a priest in every household, Every family uniting with other families in such a way that church will be interesting and exciting and it will no longer be true that the 80% of the young people want to leave because they do not see its relevance? Could it be that we could see such unity in the church that elders will no longer see themselves as committee members, but as teachers of the word, with wisdom that comes from being grounded and established in the word and living it in their own households in such a way that every family and every household a center of ministry and outreach to the world?

One of my favorite jobs on the farm as a boy was swathing grain. Dad let me run the swather when I was ten years old. It was fun when the oats was standing straight and tall. When the cutter bar came to cut the oat, the reel would push the oat plant over at just the right time so that the oat would fall on the swather canvas, all headed the same way with the heads first and the busts last. Then the canvas belt would run them all to the end where they were dropped off in a nice windrow. The grain would dry there for another ten days, and then the harvester (the combine) would come. The straw would go into the combine all heads first, all the same say so that the beaters in the combine would beat the oat grain out of the straw. There was a fan in there with little doors allowing one to regulate the amount of wind that came over the grain. Just the right amount of wind would blow the chaff away and leave the grain. Then the grain would fall through the sieves and into an auger that would auger the oat kernels into a bin to be hauled away and saved. The oat kernels were the prize of the plant. It was used for feed for cattle and people. The chaff would be blown away in the wind. It had no value.  The straw would go out the back for lesser service. It would be used for bedding for the cattle, and then two weeks later when we cleaned the barn it would be hauled out as manure. Maybe it seems strange that i should relate that here, but I think of how Jesus spoke of the Lord of the harvest. The Lord of the harvest comes to harvest his church. How great when the church is all in agreement the way Christ taught the Apostles to administer it. Sometimes in the fields, we would get a hard rain and the grain would get heavy. The grain would go down and would not stand until the reaper laved it down the same way. It was hard to harvest. It caused some of the kernels to get blown away with the chaff because it couldn't be beaten out of the straw properly. I loved harvest time. Dad let me run the machine but he kept a close eye on me from a distance. It was important that the settings on the combine and machinery were set right. We wouldn't want good kernels to be blown away like chaff. We wouldn't want chaff to go into the bin with the good kernels.

    Paul described his work as an apostle as being an "administrator of the Mystery". I often think of that, how he referred to the gospel as a mystery. It is easy to see how it remains a mystery to so many because they can read it, hear it, and not get it. The Holly Spirit must reveal the mystery so people get it. He reveals it where ever he chooses to reveal it. Jesus said to Nichodemus, T"he wind blows where it will". (He was referring to the Holy Spirit). Nobody can tell where it comes from or where it goes. We can't direct it, harness it or put it in a container. He is God and he does as he pleases. However, he has given us through the church the job of "administering the mystery" of the gospel. It is such an important work and a privilege to be trusted by our heavenly father to administer the gospel. Administering the gospel is far more than having a church where a good sermon is being preached. The church must be a place where people meet Jesus and then are brought under solid teaching in every household, how to live as Christ taught the disciples to live.

     The amazing result is that the end product is that we are called sons and daughters of God. Separated from our sins, as though they never existed, and then to be called righteous. And the reality of this becomes so great that all the things of this earth become very strangely dim, unimportant, and even undesirable to us. The things of the Lord become more and more desirable, so that he causes us to crave, hunger and thirst after the things of God. We should not expect that to happen unconsciously. We need to ask God for that. He is the one who can produce that in us and he will. He wants to. He is waiting to.

     "Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting to one another in reverence to Christ." Eph. 5:20
Bob

Sunday

Dear Prayer partners,

      I am coming to the conclusion that I am not an author. I may be a letter writer, but when I try to write a book I feel like I just lose my inspiration. When i write letters, I feel more like I'm writing something that will be read by someone tomorrow and I may hear back from them tomorrow. I feel like I am communicating. When I write for a book I wonder, who will read this? I will never know them. I will never hear from them. How will I know if it is even read? I'm coming to the conclusion that I should just keep writing letters and feel the inspiration of every day life, that it makes a difference to somebody, and people will pray right now  for ministry that I have at hand.

     Since I came to Butner, I'm defining myself to myself more as a writer than a disciple as I was in Duluth. I'm starting to think it was a mistake. I have not looked for ministry, and I miss the ministry so much. For three years in Duluth, I asked God to show me his glory and I saw his glory in the faces of people who were searching and hungry for him. I felt I could hear God in their questions, desires, moments of anxiety, searching, floundering; conversations that I interpreted as invitations by God for me to join him in his work. He showed us many great and wonderful things, I sensed his pleasure in the walking and talking, teaching and listening. Once I have lived in the reality of God's pleasure to such an extent I crave it more, I can't live without it. The last while, I feel like I have been more involved in my treatment and I feel like I'm missing out on the action I had in Duluth.

    I just spent three days with Jan. I'm so pleased that we can spend three days together and the time never gets long. Most of the time is spent reflecting on God, what he is doing, reading his word, praying, marveling at who he is and his mighty character. I feel like it's a big part of keeping me as "a tree planted by the river of living waters, and that from this I can bring forth fruit in due season". That's what I need. I need to bear fruit. I believe the Lord has confronted me with two opportunities that he placed before my feet, one since I first came and one new one.

     First I'll tell you about the one that I noticed since I first came. You might remember his name. They call him "Rooster". That's what he calls himself. He looks like a rooster because he spikes his read hair up in front and he has a narrow red beard sticking down about five inches. He looks like a leghorn rooster. When I got here I met Rooster on the track. He said he was finished with his treatment, and was rid of his cancer and ready to go back to the prison he come from. He was quite relieved to be declared clean. Rooster is a drug dealer from California, a really nice guy, reasonable and one whom you would think would go straight when he gets out. I even told him about First Principles even though I knew I wouldn't have a class to put him in, but I liked the guy and would have done it one  on one.

     In his departure physical they found new cancer in his liver. He started with melanoma, but now it is all through his stomach and intestines. They had him in the hospital in town for a while. They released him back here to get a compassionate release to be sent home to die. They've given him three months to live. Rooster reads a magazine that covers the type of cancer that he has and found an ad or article on a new drug that has been effective with his type of cancer. He took it to the doctor. The doctor said they had not used it here before, but said they would do it. It costs $168,000 for three treatments and is very dangerous. He may die from the treatment. He told me yesterday they are going to put him on the 5th floor for the treatment (that's the hospice floor) and it will start on the 20th.

     I told Rooster about you all, how you pray for me, how I'm getting along, and that I would tell you about him. I said I would also like to get with him and talk about becoming a Christian. I said I wanted to show him in the Bible so he knows it's not just my opinion.  We were supposed to meet tonight but he said he has been sick all day and couldn't do it. Please pray for Rooster. First, that the Holy Spirit will open his heart, give him a desire for Jesus. Secondly, for the treatment, that it will heal him of his cancer and that he can also go home on a compassionate release. I would like for him to be at the center of our prayers for the next while.

     The second is Elijah. I mentioned him to you before. I notice now he always picks the chairs right next to us in visiting. He has a really nice wife. They are black. They are very hard working and have a very good potato chip business like FritoLay, and an ice cream business, and she is also an MET and a beautician. Elijah is the one who told me that when he gets out he wants to be a Christian, he and his whole family. Today I walked with him and got a little more of his story. Elijah and Mary have been together as friends since they were fourteen years old. Elijah's dad beat up his mother so much that his mother left when he was about 12. He took care of his brothers, but lived with his dad and his dad's girlfriend until he was fifteen. He got kicked out at age 15, lived in his car, but ate meals with Mary.

Since he was eighteen years old he worked on a chicken farm and had other jobs. When he was seventeen he was making enough money that he got an apartment.  Mary moved in with him and got pregnant. They built several successful businesses but he served five years before for selling drugs. Then a year ago he had a friend who claimed to have a bad need for a drug and he just told him where he could get some. It turned out his friend was an agent, and he got another 18 months and that's why he's here now.

     Elijah says that they are not Christians, but he said, "My wife Mary has the heart of a Christian. We both are always helping people". (I'm not used to hearing this from inmates. Usually they are telling me how good they are, they really don't need anything more.) He said, "When I was 24 years old and had enough money, I hired a detective to find my mother. She was in a nursing home. I took her in and my wife is taking care of her right now even as I am in prison". He said, "I  know doing good works doesn't make a person a Christian, so I know we aren't Christians, but we want to be. I said, "So, I'm here to show you how to be a Christian. Are you ready to start now?" He said, "Yes, that's what I want". Isn't this such a clear example of God doing the work, that he has fields white onto harvest? I told him today of my condition, that I don't have much time to live according to the doctors, even though I think they are wrong I said, "I don't think I will be here long so we need to really be on a fast track here so you can learn what you need to learn". He said he will be available every day. Elijah seems like a real deal. I don't think he has any hidden schemes. I don't think he will be a negotiator with God. It seems that God is just already doing his work, and now you and I get to join him. We have so much going with all your prayers being heard and answered. We should have great faith for Elijah and Rooster. May the Lord strengthen our faith even more as we (us as a team) minster to these to men or in Elijah's case, his whole family. He wants his whole family included.

    Well, this is going to be the beginning of more PP writing for me. I write it prayerfully that it won't just be musings, but that God's hand will be leading in this.

     I did have an encouraging word this week on a  movement of my file from the Case Manager to the Warden's desk. I intend to talk to the Warden on Tuesday. It would be so wonderful if I could be home for Lydia's graduation on the 27th. I hardly dare to breath it. How do I dare to ask for so much when men are dying all around me. Last month they had a memorial service for 18 men who died. This past week it was for 26 men. When we live in the middle of sickness and death it seems selfish to ask for so much as a release for a graduation event,  just a release and being able to drive with Jan cross-country the spring. God is good and  I'm glad he doesn't mete out blessings according to what we deserve.  He is so gracious. I know He has been more gracious all my life than I have noticed or given him credit for.

     Today Jan and I just  sat in the visiting room and I wept feeling so undone with the blessings of God, that I could sit there with a loving wife who loves the Lord as I do, and we can receive much joy and have such tremendous fellowship with the God of the universe. That he should even notice us is beyond our understanding. He does more than notice, he loves and craves the love and attention of his people. We are his creation. He delights in us.

In our Lord,
Bob